Redefining "Good"

About two months ago my daughter wrote something on a grocery list paper that I kept and hung on my refrigerator because of the profound and life-altering nature of it. Atop each piece of that pad of paper graces the words "Life is Good." A cartoon angel flies over the words carrying a bird house. Underneath those words she wrote "God is Good" as rebuttal (or so my mind imagines). I don't really know what she meant. I have yet to burst my bubble and ask her.

Recently I've been in a season of defining Good. Life doesn't often feel good, to be perfectly honest. It feels heavy when I look at my growing responsibilities and people who need to be pleased by me. It feels confining when I wake up from a dream of what I wish I could pursue. It feels painful when I seem to disappoint those who love me most. It feels unfair when I look at poverty and rape and trafficking and hungry orphans and abandoned women and murdered sons. It feels draining when I get lost in the piles of laundry and dishes and papers and "stuff." It feels frustrating when all I ever wanted was to help people, but people take every freedom of will to refuse the help I offer. Life mostly feels like everything but good.

And so when I read those words penned by still-pudgy-with-innocence fingers, I felt an earthquake in my spirit. It was a life-altering, moment-altar-ing shock. Sorting through the shifting, falling, scattered piles of papers on my kitchen-desk, I trashed old homework worksheets and re-piled bills and receipts and straightened half-written thoughts and prayers and half-accomplished to-do lists. I picked up her note and sat down, a little shaky or shaken, or both.

My heart cried out in agreement, "Of course! Life isn't always good, but God is!"

A few weeks later, though, I was questioning the goodness of God too. As followers of Christ, we surrender to the sovereignty of God - believing that He is indeed in control of us, our families, our lives, our pasts, and our futures. And if He is in control of all of that, and He is indeed good, shouldn't all of that be good too? My heart stomps a foot, demanding and defiant. "Oh, precious daughter, how faulty your small human logic," he whispers, and I balk, repentant.

A few days after His rebuke, I stumbled across a song by City Harmonic called I Am. The chorus repeats these phrases that hit me and comfort me and then hit me again.

"Oh, My God -

You are Good

You are Great

You are Love"

What IS good? What defines goodness? I ask Him one morning. How am I supposed to know what good is, when the things I would call good aren't what You have for me, and that which I would never call good are what you seem to put in my path? What is the definition of good, anyway?

His answer came in tenderness, as always. Let Me define and re-define good for you. I am the Author of life. My words alone hold authority and credence and authenticity. I alone understand goodness. I know Good, I do Good, I define Good, I AM Good.

And so I bowed my knees and my heart, and listened to His definition. It has come piecemeal over a season, but I continue to force my defiant fist into an openly raised hand and I keep driving my knees to the floor lest they break; and I once again clamp my complaining mouth and unlock my hurting heart to hear His terms.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good." -Psalm 34:8

"God saw that the light was good . . ." -Genesis 1:4

" . . . but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done . . ." -Genesis 50:20

" . . . no good thing does He withhold." -Psalm 84:11

" . . . but God disciplines us for our good . . ." -Hebrews 12:10

"You are good, and what you do is good . . ." -Psalm 119:68

"Woe to those who call evil good . . ." Isaiah 5:20

"There is only One who is good." Matthew 19:17

"I am the good Shepherd." -John 10:11

"Test everything. Hold on to the good." -1 Thessalonians 5:21

A friend gave me a book about keeping a list of thank-You's to God, and I received a message of God's goodness in common, yet amazingly glorious blessings. And my heart listened to His labelling and classification of Good. My own list grows even today.

This morning Jesus started my day with the story of Nebuchadnezzar's fall from sanity and return to reign seven years later, with a painful stint of beastly living in the wilderness. Daniel recounts the king's repentant song as this:

"Everything He does is right,

and He does it the right way.

He knows how to turn a proud person

into a humble man or woman." -Daniel 4: 37 (Msg)

I stop and stare at the words for extra seconds. He whispers again, I am good. I do good - every time. My definition of good is good in the end.

I smile and change the aphorism in my head.

"All's good that ends good."