Loneliness and perspective

Sometimes I love being alone.  Like today - sitting by myself at a table typing, not a single person I know is here - only strangers at adjacent tables, giggling high school volleyball team, fellow typing colleagues, clanking dishes.  Or even in the morning when I wake up and sip hot coffee to the tunes of my favorite singers and read. Or in the car as I run errands and shop without little tag-along's and I'm so productive on my own.  I like the quiet and sometimes I even love sitting alone in the dark on my couch just to BE.  One desperate night I went for a walk in the cold rain because it was the only space I could find to let my pain out and let the Lord in. Sometimes I love being alone.

And sometimes loneliness is terrible.  And you ask, "How can you be lonely when there are so many people around you?" And I agree that your question is valid.  If you find the answer, would you teach me?

The other day I texted a dear friend to ask if she ever felt that way too.  One word she offered, but it was all I needed.  "Often"

To be honest, most of my feelings don't make much sense.  They are not often based on fact or truth, but I still feel, and still wonder.  Still chide myself for discontent.

Thank the Lord for perspective and Truth.  Truth be told I'm not alone.  I have many so near who love and care.  Many to hug and to hold, to talk and to listen.  I can text or call, even.  And usually when I remind myself of the truth the loneliness fades.  I stop chiding after a few minutes and choose to be thankful.  Friends and family are God's graces, and I really do have so many.

But on occasion, the void persists.

Today a breakthrough, a light bulb, a revelation:  on occasion He allows the void to persist so I'll turn my face full to Him alone.  So He can fill all of my empty and lonely places with His presence and love only, and so I can remember again on Whom I really, truly, honestly, factually depend.

"GOD is our Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-provided help in trouble . . .  Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!  The Lord of hosts is with us . . ." - Psalm 46:1, 10-11a (Amp.)

And such perspective and reminder from Corrie ten Boom as well.  Join me again for her words so fresh?

[. . . after several weeks in solitary confinement, upon receiving news of her father's death in the Nazi prison]

The steps stopped.  The shelf dropped open. "What's the matter?"
"Please!  I've had bad news - oh please, don't go away!"
"Wait a minute." The footsteps retreated, then returned with a jangle of keys.  The cell door opened.
"Here." The young woman handed me a pill with a glass of water.  "It's a sedative."
"This letter just came," I explained. "It says that my father - it says my father has died."
The girl stared at me. . . 
"Dear Jesus," I whispered as the door slammed and her footsteps died away, "how foolish of me to have called for human help when You are here."


Sometimes it's recognizing the true source of the craving that helps feed the hunger effectively.  I've been desiring someone to fill the void in my heart.  At first I thought it might be filled by laughter or shopping or maybe a sweet treat.  Perhaps if I could figure out whom to call, my ache would subside.  But it was not until I called on Him did I find satiation.  And He fills when we seek, when we open our hungry hands and hearts in His heavenly and bright direction.  Singing None But Jesus this morning at an altar with sisters, I was so filled.  And how foolish of me to have called for help other than His.

Drink deeply of Him if you can, dear friend.  Recall with me and with Corrie that even in the face of dark news and the worst pain, Jesus is HERE.  Reach open hands to Him now if you are lonely and alone.  Be still and be filled.