a tearful day

I have to admit I got to my breaking point today.

I could not hold back my tears as we saw the people at the clinic today. We saw many people affected by the earthquake - many injuries, including one man whose leg, while not broken, was still very swollen and painful to walk on; 2 baby boys who were being cared for by neighbors - both of their parents died (one baby was found in his dead mother's arms); and many many others with serious need and malnourishment. I just kept praying for them, asking the Lord to encourage their hearts and fill them with supernatural hope and joy.

I enjoyed being one of the pharmacists again today, and I also got to give out small toys, bracelets and lollipops for the kids. I kissed the babies on their sweet little cheeks, gave as many smiles as I could manage, and basically poured out all of the energy the Spirit gave me.

Last night I painted a lot of little toe and finger nails, and got to help the little girls here at the mission to make some crafts. They are so funny because they love to have their pictures taken and they pose like they are little supermodels. I laughed so hard that I almost cried. They just keep hugging me and kissing me and I just keep hugging and kissing them back. I know some of the hugs and kisses are from you too!

It's hard for me to organize my thoughts right now, but I hope you can hear my heart. It is so broken, so full of love, so inadequate, and so joyful all at once. It is what I expected to be, only so much more magnified.

Of everything I have to share, I'll leave you with this. I saw a little boy today that absolutely wrecked me. He is about three and had no shoes, which we quickly remedied, and both his parents died in the earthquake. His neighbor is now caring for him, but she already has four of her own children. How is she going to provide for him? How he must still miss his family! Oh, if only if I could do more than give him a smile and a lollipop. All I can think of tonight is how Josiah asked me if he could have a Haitian brother to keep and sleep in his bunk bed.

I know God can answer my prayers for him, but I cannot keep my heart from hurting and my eyes from crying. To see it and to touch him, to hold him and kiss him - please just take my word - it is so much heavier in person . . .