I know some of you have been waiting for me to blog about my trip to Haiti. I'm getting there. It's just hard right now. There's so much to think about. Too much to process. The conclusions I come to one day seem wrong the next. The answers in my head are too complicated for words, and sometimes it feels really frustrating to try to explain something that can only be experienced. Usually words are enough for me to do anything. Language is something I can wield under normal circumstances. Not so this week. The truth, if you care to know, is that I lost all of my pictures on accident. I've come to grips with the fact that others took pictures and that will have to be enough. For now, I'll leave you with this one that Pastor Jamie took. It's what I'm doing still. Be patient with me? Thank you for the grace. It's more than I deserve.

not going back

It's not always easy to live by faith and not by sight. It takes serious effort. And sometimes it takes choosing blindness to certain things so that your eyes can be opened to the things of God. Rules and religious laws have had to become blind spots for me. I've needed to stop focusing on striving for impressing God or others, and turn my sights on letting Him live His resurrected life through me.

"So I quit being a 'law man' so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not 'mine' but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going back on that." - Galatians 2:19-20 (Msg)


The more we mature into this life of Grace Reversal God has called us to, the more we realize that the power to live in Him comes through Him. I have a few more prepositions to add, so bear with me. Salvation comes from Him, not from ourselves, so we must leave behind all notions of earning goodness and favor from ourselves and the things we do. Because of the Cross, not only are we now with Christ, we are in Him. A part of who He is, grafted in by mercy, welcomed in with open arms. So our lives are also for Him, lived in cooperation with the Holy Spirit to be more like Him, living like its all about Him.

I want to see Him through, in, about, from, and around me. His life lived through mine.

Yes, Jesus.

a heaviness

I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way before. Life gets heavy. It feels dark, and Satan threatens to rob it of all light. And I know it's a battle in the war of good and evil, but I'm wounded and it's hard to stand right now. Jesus beckons from across the field to the safe bunker, but it seems so far away. My body is aching today, and I have a hunch it might be due to the fact that I'm carrying too much of this. I need to lay it at His feet. But sometimes I don't know how. Sometimes He's so near but I still can't reach Him. I know I need to learn how to kneel before Him and surrender. Un-shoulder the pain. Un-strap the heaviness. Can we learn together?

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?" -Romans 8:35 (NLT)

"Give your burdens to the LORD, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. But You, O God will send the wicked down the the pit of destruction. Murderers and liars will die young, but I am trusting you to save me." -Psalm 55: 22-23 (NLT)

Father, I feel this weight that is not mine. I choose to let it go. I don't want the pain of it in me and on me. I know You can take it from me if I let You. So I do. Jesus, let me sit here a little longer, please. My head in your lap and your hands pulling the heaviness off my shoulders. I know you want me to cry with those who cry and sing with those who sing, and I do. The privilege of those things brings a smile to my face and to Yours. But when my enemy comes in the middle of the tears and feeds us all lies I don't have the strength to fight him. Be my strength, Spirit. Make me able in my inability. Lift my chin when that liar punches my face again with his schemes and dirty hopeless tricks. My hands are open to your gifts and your grace. You fill my cup with more love, and then I see that it overflows. You call me off the battlefield to bind my wounds and send me back out for more of that murderer's blood. Though I can't quite see it yet, the victory is already Yours.