Loneliness and perspective

Sometimes I love being alone.  Like today - sitting by myself at a table typing, not a single person I know is here - only strangers at adjacent tables, giggling high school volleyball team, fellow typing colleagues, clanking dishes.  Or even in the morning when I wake up and sip hot coffee to the tunes of my favorite singers and read. Or in the car as I run errands and shop without little tag-along's and I'm so productive on my own.  I like the quiet and sometimes I even love sitting alone in the dark on my couch just to BE.  One desperate night I went for a walk in the cold rain because it was the only space I could find to let my pain out and let the Lord in. Sometimes I love being alone.

And sometimes loneliness is terrible.  And you ask, "How can you be lonely when there are so many people around you?" And I agree that your question is valid.  If you find the answer, would you teach me?

The other day I texted a dear friend to ask if she ever felt that way too.  One word she offered, but it was all I needed.  "Often"

To be honest, most of my feelings don't make much sense.  They are not often based on fact or truth, but I still feel, and still wonder.  Still chide myself for discontent.

Thank the Lord for perspective and Truth.  Truth be told I'm not alone.  I have many so near who love and care.  Many to hug and to hold, to talk and to listen.  I can text or call, even.  And usually when I remind myself of the truth the loneliness fades.  I stop chiding after a few minutes and choose to be thankful.  Friends and family are God's graces, and I really do have so many.

But on occasion, the void persists.

Today a breakthrough, a light bulb, a revelation:  on occasion He allows the void to persist so I'll turn my face full to Him alone.  So He can fill all of my empty and lonely places with His presence and love only, and so I can remember again on Whom I really, truly, honestly, factually depend.

"GOD is our Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-provided help in trouble . . .  Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!  The Lord of hosts is with us . . ." - Psalm 46:1, 10-11a (Amp.)

And such perspective and reminder from Corrie ten Boom as well.  Join me again for her words so fresh?

[. . . after several weeks in solitary confinement, upon receiving news of her father's death in the Nazi prison]

The steps stopped.  The shelf dropped open. "What's the matter?"
"Please!  I've had bad news - oh please, don't go away!"
"Wait a minute." The footsteps retreated, then returned with a jangle of keys.  The cell door opened.
"Here." The young woman handed me a pill with a glass of water.  "It's a sedative."
"This letter just came," I explained. "It says that my father - it says my father has died."
The girl stared at me. . . 
"Dear Jesus," I whispered as the door slammed and her footsteps died away, "how foolish of me to have called for human help when You are here."


Sometimes it's recognizing the true source of the craving that helps feed the hunger effectively.  I've been desiring someone to fill the void in my heart.  At first I thought it might be filled by laughter or shopping or maybe a sweet treat.  Perhaps if I could figure out whom to call, my ache would subside.  But it was not until I called on Him did I find satiation.  And He fills when we seek, when we open our hungry hands and hearts in His heavenly and bright direction.  Singing None But Jesus this morning at an altar with sisters, I was so filled.  And how foolish of me to have called for help other than His.

Drink deeply of Him if you can, dear friend.  Recall with me and with Corrie that even in the face of dark news and the worst pain, Jesus is HERE.  Reach open hands to Him now if you are lonely and alone.  Be still and be filled.

When You Are Facing Evil's Hour . . .

My God is a Listener and a Fighter.  He's a Lover and a Hero.  A King and a Soldier . . . I'm so enamored!


This week I'm reading through Joshua, at my pastor's request.  (And when your pastor is also your husband, it bodes well for you to read what he suggests . . . wink, wink.)  It's a book full of battles and casualties and conquer, all of which I'm aiming to apply to the spiritual battle I face, also known as my life.  It really is so good.  The Word, I mean.  Are you feasting too?  I truly hope so.


Because the temptation to give up this battle is so consuming sometimes.  And it's in those moments that our Fighter, Hero, Soldier wants to come through for us most.


Corrie ten Boom faced this very concept many times in her life too.  I ask once again for the privilege of quoting this brave heroine of mine . . .


One night after a fellow young underground comrade had been captured, and was sure to be tortured for information about the ten Booms and their efforts to help Jews in secret, her family considered what to do.


"That night Father and Betsie and I prayed long after the others had gone to bed.  We knew that in spite of daily mounting risks we had no choice but to move forward.  This was evil's hour: we could not run away from it.  Perhaps only when human effort had done its best and failed, would God's power alone be free to work." (The Hiding Place)


In moving forward, they would be a part of rescuing many people, and saving souls for eternity through it all.  But it would get exponentially harder before it got better.  Family members tortured and killed, horrors unimaginable.  War is so very . . . deadly.


Sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for it.  I find myself more often hiding in the trenches and crying than charging forward like Corrie did.  I get so terrified and discouraged.  And it seems like it would be better to give up on it all.  Join the other side . . . or at least quit fighting against them.  My effort fails and I think it's the worst.


But I'm wrong.  Because that's the exact moment Jesus comes and saves us all.  His power alone - free to work.

In Joshua 10 God tells us the story of the day He did the impossible to conquer the enemies of His people:

"The sun stopped in its tracks in mid sky; just sat there all day.  There's never been a day like that before or since - God took orders from a human voice! Truly, God fought for Israel." (v.14, Msg.)


Wow.  I'm still amazed.  That He would do that for them!  


And while God may not stop time today, He's still doing the impossible to fight for us.  He still hears our prayers and cries for help in our most climactic peril, when our enemy is fiercest and we feel weakest.  His power becomes free to work and His glory released when all chances of us taking it are removed.  The battle is the Lord's.  He wins.


So keep fighting . . . and no matter how scared you get, remember - this is evil's hour, and we cannot run away from it.  The Lord will do the impossible if He must, but our enemy WILL be defeated.  Even if and especially when we feel like we've failed in our own human efforts, because it is at exactly that moment that His power is freed.  And He will stop the earth from spinning if He must, but we will be rescued.


"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and He wants you strong.  So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials.  And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way.  This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours.  This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."  -Ephesians 6:10-12 (Msg.)


"But in that coming day
no weapon turned against you will succeed.
You will silence every voice 
raised up to accuse you.
These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD;
their vindication will come from Me.
I, the LORD, have spoken!"  -Isaiah 54:17 (NLT)


And when He speaks, the fiercest of oceans is still, and the only thing that counts is that I am His.

My Rescuer will do what He does best: He'll save me.  He'll conquer.  He'll triumph.   

So hold on, brothers and sisters, and stand firm.  Even when you face evil's hour - every battle is the Lord's and we're on the side of the only One who can make time stand still.  He makes the hours and turns them.  And even evil's hour is under His dominion.  He's bringing an end to that very soon . . . 

So hold on.